I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have aggressive nipples.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
