I will die if light touches me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
