I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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