She announced her abortion via fbk
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
