My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
