Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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