i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
