so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
