I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
