my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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