Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
