Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
