Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
