Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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