She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
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