Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
