peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Farmville is her only friend.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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