imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
