wanna go halves on a baby?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
