He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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