so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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