I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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