Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
