I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
