I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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