Moan for me like Helen Keller
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She bit a glass in half.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
