you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
