Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
