I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
