; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
