Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
