I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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