it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
