Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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