How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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