I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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