and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
