Kareoke will never be a sober sport
People in love make me want to vomit
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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