He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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