she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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