oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
