I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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