Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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