If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
