ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
