How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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