i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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