he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
