So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just invented taco cereal.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
