Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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