sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
