i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
