I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
