just tell him i said nine months
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
