twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
