we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
