I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
