you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
