Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
