she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
