He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
