For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
