Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
