K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
