I wish I only lived at night.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
