I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
