The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
