I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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