i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
